Update attached rough draft based off notes below. The week 5 final paper will be graded based off the notes


 You have a good start and you have made a compelling argument. Here is my feedback that I would like to see you incorporate for your week 5 five paper:

~You have a good thesis statement. 

~Organize your paper according to your XYZ.  (Topic sentence, claim 1, claim 2, claim 3, thesis statement). Each section/paragraph should be separate. Don’t combine different issues within your paragraphs. Keep them separate. Review the week 1 guidance for more help with XYZ thesis statements and how to better organize your paper.

~You have a well-formatted title page. 

~You have some good research, but I would like to see more and more analysis. Use more sources. Keep developing the “so what?” factor. You need to lead your reader to every point that you are making. There should be no question about the significance or relevance of the research that you are using. In general, I like to have at least 2-3 lines of analysis, discussing the relevance of the research just used, for each piece of research. This functions two ways: it ensure the reader understands every point sufficiently AND it adds on for length.

~As a reminder, never begin or end a paragraph with research, instead analyze the research you have or find a good way to transition into it.

~Make sure that every paragraph has at least 5-7 lines in it and is supported by research. Eliminate or develop paragraphs that are less than this.

~See my in-text notes.

~As you add on for length, continue to analyze the research that you are using. Remember to connect all of the dots for your reader, aiming to answer the “So what?” questions so that they fully understand the relevance of the research.

When I go to grade your Week 5 final paper, I will take a look at my notes here and expect that you will incorporate my suggestions into your final paper. Please email me if you are not sure what I have asked of you. Thanks for your hard work. Please email me with any questions!



( 5.25 / 8.00) Draft Development

Below Expectations – The draft provides barely enough content, sources, or other features essential for the instructor to provide extensive feedback.

( 0.00 / 0.00) Structure

Basic – Draft contains a thesis or controlling idea; however, it either does not appear in the introduction or it lacks sufficient focus. The thesis is developed through a basic paragraph structure, although not all paragraphs contain a topic sentence that introduces the subject being explored and/or advances the thesis. The conclusion does not refer back to the paper’s thesis, does not adequately summarize the main points, or does not give final direction to the reader.

( 0.00 / 0.00) Development

Below Expectations – Draft’s thesis or controlling idea is minimally developed in the body of the paper; the sequence of ideas lacks logic and focus. Paragraphs are not adequately supported by examples and evidence and/or the draft does not meet the minimum length requirement.

( 0.00 / 0.00) Style

Proficient – Draft utilizes techniques of formal research writing for a majority of the essay. Content is concise and language is appropriate to audience and purpose, although minor errors in word choice and sentence construction are present.

( 0.00 / 0.00) Grammar

Distinguished – Draft uses the proper conventions of the English language, including correct grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure. Minor mechanical errors may be present, but they do not detract from the development of the content.

( 0.00 / 0.00) Resource Requirement

Below Expectations – Uses inadequate number of sources that provide little or no support for ideas. Sources used may not be scholarly. Most sources on the reference page are not used within the body of the assignment. Citations are not formatted correctly.

( 0.00 / 0.00) APA Formatting

Proficient – Draft uses APA formatting throughout the paper, but contains minor errors. Draft contains a title page and reference page in APA format.